The Bandwagon Fan. Your favorite band has been on the scene for ages, but they haven't exactly been at the top of the charts. Then one number one single changes everything. Suddenly all your friends claim to love this band too. The Bandwagon curse has befallen you. Now, it's not impossible to truly discover a love for an artist that happens to have just recently gained popularity. But if you ONLY KNOW THE NUMBER ONE SINGLE, you're probably not a true fan. It's not their best song anyway. I promise. One must not judge Bandwagon Fans too harshly, though, or one risks the danger of becoming a Music Snob (see below).
The Faux Fan. This person is closely related to, but not exactly the same as, the Bandwagon Fan, as the Faux Fan usually carries an association with classic rock. This is the obnoxious kid that owns fifteen Beatles shirts, but has never heard "Penny Lane". The one that lists Journey as one of his favorite bands, but only knows "Don't Stop Believing." This person wants to go against the grain of typical teenaged music tastes (just like every other person you know of) but really carries no affection for whatever band or artist he professes to love. This is a heinous crime against music. The only appropriate sentence for such a person is a full listen-through of the ENTIRE Beatles catalog. Twice.
The iPod Judger. The iPod Judger is one who, after asking to look through a friend's music player, finds herself constantly saying, "You have that? You have that?! A word to the iPod Judger: you are the visitor here. Would you walk into Parliament and tell the Brits that a House of Representatives, a Congress, and a President would work much better? No. It is not your position to judge another's tastes, even if he does have Miley Cyrus on his iPod. Nobody likes an iPod Judger.
The Lady Gaga Fan. There is no hope for this person. End of story.
The Long Play Fan. This is the music lover who is appalled at the single song nature of modern music. The one who believes firmly that albums were meant to be continuous works of art rather than piecemeal scraps thrown together to be torn apart by $1.29 purchases. The one who buys full albums whenever possible. The one who ends up with a whole lot of songs she doesn't really like and a whole lot less money. See also Miss Lissa.
The Marry Me Fan. This is the person, usually of the feminine persuasion, who loves an artist not because of his musical prowess, but exclusively because of his hair, eyes, abs, or general good looks. See also Justin Bieber Fan.
The Music Snob. This is the exact opposite of a Bandwagon fan. This person takes immense pride in always being ahead of the trends... WAY ahead. As soon as more than three people become fans of the Music Snob's favorite artist, that artist instantly becomes "uncool." See also hipster, indie.
The True Fan. This is the music fan all music fans should aspire to be. The one inhales melodies and exhales lyrics. The one who feels the kinship of all humanity in the lyrics of a song, the oneness of emotion, the I'm-not-alone-ness. This is the one in whom wellsprings of emotion rise at the sound of a favorite song, who dances in the rain, who sings at the top of her lungs. This is the music lover. This is the True Fan.
"Music is the universal language of mankind." -Henry Wadsworth Longfellow
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