A Hole

She lived. She breathed. She loved. She laughed. She cried. She failed. She succeeded. From what I've heard, she succeeded a lot more than she failed.

She graduated from my high school two years before I started going there. She was an athlete, a "Mathlete", good at science, good at Spanish. Valedictorian. Today several teachers left school early to attend her memorial service.

I didn't know her, so I'm not quite sure why it rattles me so much that over winter break, she chose to take her own life.

There's a facebook group in "loving memory" of her. I've seen the tears. I've heard the testaments to her wonderful personality, her kindness, her intelligence, the light she brought to the lives around her. She was loved.

What disaster, what terrible sense of despair, can come over a person so suffocatingly strong that even love can't shine any kind of hopeful light?

I've never in all my life known or heard of a single person who was loved by no one. Perhaps that's why suicides are so tragic. Life is intentionally snuffed out. A horrible hole is left in the lives of friends, family, teachers. But that person, the person who is now gone forever, didn't recognize that hole, didn't realize the awful hurt, the agonized tears that his or her death would cause. They assumed no one would care.

Those of you who have gotten to know me well would leave a heartwrenching, gaping hole in my world if ever something were to happen to you. Some of you would leave a much bigger hole than you realize. Those of you who don't know me well would still leave an unoccupied space in my day: the face in the hallway, the seat behind me in math class. You would be noticed. You would be missed. You would be cried over.

Don't make that decision. Ever. There is hope. There is love. More than anything there is God.

This is me saying I care.

This is me saying you're not alone.

This is me saying you can make it.

This is me saying I will help.


And if you're okay... take the time to make sure someone else is. You never know whose life you could be saving.